Im wearing short sleeves -something i rarly do- and my family can’t see the fucking 14 scars along my right arm, the one i do everything with. im the youngest of four and im 13
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I am 20 years old, and my life sucks a lot. I am really depresses. I just want this to end. I have no friends to go out with, my family is never happy, at school I am not passing any of my classes, and at work I always get rude people. Nothing goes right for me. For the past 20 year of my life, I have never had a full day that I have been happy. Am I the only one like this? I have no luck with anything, no love, no money etc. I don’t know what to do anymore, I really can’t take this anymore, every night I go to bed with tears in my eyes. |
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So, I live with my 19 year old brother, his baby, and his girlfriend. |
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So life sucks for all of you? Why don’t you people get together to share all this stories? Maybe you might find a good friend or even a girlfriend (or boyfriend) who think like you ^^. I have a lot do complain about my life but I’ve always tried not to take it seriously, I just think that whatever happens it’s just necessary, if you never had hard times in life then it means you life really sucks. Try to think about it, how hard it is just mean how strong you gonna get. |
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All my life I have been alone. There is no one else who is like me. No one who shares similar thoughts and experiences. No one who can understand and accept me for who I am. I am only young. But age does not mean anything. I am a living being and that’s all that counts. When I started school at the age of 4, i realised that i thought more than the others. That I was harder to lie too and less impressionable. I knew deep inside that i wasn’t “normal”. I never made many friends. Mostly because I didn’t talk much. I could tell a lot about these people without knowing them. and I didn’t like them. So I pretended to be like them, and it worked. Soon enough, I was fitting in and had made “friends” . People that I didn’t like and didn’t trust. At home, I was under the impression that my life was fine. I had never seen another example of what a home was like, so I didn’t know any better. Years went by, and as my life progressed, I realised more and more about how different I was. By the age of nine, I was already showing signs of depression. I had an extremely messed up family, well, I still do. My mother is a disgusting person. She is racist, overweight, has a poor sense of hygiene, swears and thinks that she is perfect. My father is an alcoholic, racist, has an even worse sense of hygiene-he only showers once a week- and has temper problems. Then there’s my brother. A perfect example of failed parenting. He is exactly like them, but younger. He is currently 25 and still lives with us. In this tiny, fibro, rotting(literally, rotting), messy, cockroach infested house. All of them smoke marijuana, are alcoholic and smoke. They are constantly fighting with each other. When I try explaining this to any of them, I am a cop out. They treat me as if i’m worthless. A mere possession. Blamed for everything. Now at school, I have found actual friends, not just people that I pretend to like. I have changed my personality a lot at school. I am loud and hyper. This is how I am with my friends. But I’m not sure anymore. Not sure if it’s a fake act or if it’s another part of me. It just seems to come naturally. I’m not sure who I am anymore. It’s a very hard subject to explain, and certainly one I’m not willing to be open about. But this has caused me so much pain. I started acting like this to attract attention. Something that I had never experienced. But of course, many people hated me. I could see it in their eyes. I could somehow feel it. And that just made matters worse. I have tried to ignore all the pain that people have caused me. But inside I knew that it was ripping me into pieces. I have also had many psychic experiences. Sometimes I just get a vision of an event that has not yet occurred.They are almost always right. I have tried to tell my friends, but they just think that I’m crazy, so I doubt that they would listen to me at all. I hold so much pain within me. But there is no one like me. No one who shares a similar story to me. I hope that one day, I will find the person who is like me. I’m sick of this. I have been bottling up my emotions for so long. I need to be able to express myself in some way. It hurts so much to be alone. Truly alone. I need someone. Someone who can understand me. Someone who can accept me for who I am. I am only 11 years old, but age means nothing. I am a human being that is capable of feeling pain. |
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there is nothing that hurts like loving someone that doesnt love you back… its happening to me… im so deeply inlove with her but she takes it like a joke… im just goin to stay away from her now coz there is no point of loving her if she cant return the love. *crying* |
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Well for starters…..My dad use to drink pretty heavy while I was in elementary school, dont get me wrong, my mom did aswell. I have no doubt they did coke together, they were not junkies though, I think it was alot more casual back then. I remember having to stay up COUNTLESS school nights ALL night listening to ACDC pumping, and then usually some kinda screaming argument, and occasionally turned into a physical argument. |
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Everyday of my barely livable life, I wake up take a bath and do my hair. Too bad its for nothing because my life SUCKS! Every day since i was a young lad i was diagnosed with ADHD(ATTENTION DEFICIT HPYER DISORDER) which according to modern science makes me unable to concentrate and very hyper. For years i took the medicine daily but nothing worked. I had outburts in class like playing with pencils loudly and causing a loud distrubance. I never payed attention so as a result i never really learned anything. Come 6th grade i was still acting out. During that summer i realized i needed to start over. So the beginning of 7th grade was great for me. I had honor roll for the first time in my life. But during the 2nd quarter i made friends with the wrong people. We tormented our teachers to the point where i was actually thrown out of a class permanently for calling a teacher a \”transvestite\”. I barely passed the 7th grade. Now here comes 8th grade i was still rowdy and still caused mischief like a fool. During my 8th grade career i was constantly tormented daily with accusations of being \”gay\”retarted\”stupid\”ugly\” and it drove to me depression. I spoke openly about suicide and a concerned friend contacted my school. I spoke about suicide 3 times. I was admitted to a hospital where i had a phychic evalution.They shoved a needle in my arm to check for drugs. I had to urinate in a cup(which i may add spilled over in the bathroom and i had to clean it up myself). After that incident i started to try to make a positive outlook on life but i couldn\’t. Here i am 9th grade no friends no gf nothing. I sit home all day after school and play xbox. Everyday i cry myself to sleep because i realize that i am a fucking loser. My grades sucks. My life sucks. Not to mention that it seems that everyone talks down to me like i have a fucking down syndrome. I seem to do everything wrong in my life and that everything that can go wrong does go wrong. I can barely stand it. I dont see my self in the future suceeding in life infact i see myself dead before i hit 16. Thanks world. |
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There is a really beautiful junior (I’m a sophomore) who liked me. So I ask her out, and we go out on 3 dates and she says “I don’t want to have a relationship” |
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I’m working like crazy this morning, but bad food last night… So I’m on my computer, music plays loudly in the office, and …. I fart. But not once… Twice, three times, four times, … Don’t care, the music is covering. Or so I thought… I had my earplugs. Forgot that. Shame… |
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Ok…So I don’t have a reason why my life sucks, it just does. You know sometimes its hard to breath and the fact you are stuck in a body you don’t want to be in sometimes just takes my breath away its so painful. How can the most horrible people I have met been born into the most beautiful bodies and I am still me. I am the girl guys look past to get to the pretty ones. I am the girl that is just living and not living life. I am the girl that even though I say nothing and mind my own business people still feel the need to make fun of me and to be horrible to me. Like I don’t feel bad about myself already..Like I need their help to feel worthless. Now I am 25 and I still feel the same helplessness I felt when I was 15. Isnt this feeling supposed to have gone by now? I thought i was supposed to feel mature and adult. I still feel like the little ugly duckling i was back then. When does it change I keep waking up wondering if today is the day I will feel normal. Do you know what it is like to not feel comfortable in your own skin??? to not even know who you are after 25 years. who am I? I am a nobody and that i could even live with but im not even a happy nobody I’m just me who has friends, none Ive ever felt truely close too. A boyfriend who I am almost positive doesnt like me, we have been together 6 years and have a beautiful baby together who is my only great acomplishment. Yet I feel his hate spitting onto me daily. ANd I stay cos lets be honest no one else would ever want me. Because I’m not normal I’m an oddball. So any words of advice would be greatly appriecated and I don’t want to hear any bullshit cli’ches because you can say them as much as you want but the don’t work. So my life sucks, I prefer my dreams to my life and after ten years nothings changed which leads me to the conclusion it probably never will. ANd I’m stuck here. Just breathing. |
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Why can’t I get over the fact that I don’t know why I even exist. I found out from my mother talking to someone else, when she didn’t think I was listening, that I was an accident. My father’s vasectomy didn’t take. It wasn’t just a few extra sperm, he had it at least a year before I was conceived. |
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Life is getting to be more than I can take. I am going thru a divorce, after ten yrs he decides he does not want to have the responsibility of a wife and three kids. I lost our apt cause I couldn’t work because I am completely dependent on tramadol for my scoliosis and when I run out get so sick I can’t function. everything I have ever owned including so many precious family heirlooms and all my kids stuff was put into storage. He promised to pay it cause of our kids things and I thought he was until I letter telling me it was being auctioned the next week if I didn’t pay 1800. My children had to go live with my mom. now my oldest,12 is living w my ex who is just her stepdad so she can go to her school, shes very depressed cause she wants me there. My boyfriend I was staying w ended up punchin me in the jaw knocked out a tooth and burned all the photos I have left of my family cause I was w my little girls and got home late. I am now living w my mom and girls 6 and 8 and today I found out my ex went to jail for felony warrents and is saying my exbfrnd turned him in. his mom whom I loved more than anything called tonite and told my stepdad that they were gettin a restraining order on me and I was never to step foot in thier house again my child lives there for gods sake. I cant even talk to her today.Hard tellin what they have put her thru today as far as talkin bad about me. My stepdad decides cause of all thid drama he doesn’t want me stayin here cause he pays the bills and my mom don’t. But says I have to leave my girls here. He is an alcholic and has no driving due to 3 duis. He was so pissed and blaming everything in the world on me and took my moms car. he is also into smokin crack. never here i do know that for fact. if he gets picked up he is going to do 3 years they told him. I am so scared cause if he does I will be blamed for that. I just want to end it all.I think my kids would be better off w my mom cause I dont want them to be like me. I cant even hold a job and when i get like this i have been a cutter for as long as i remember. I have slit my wrists before they were all born and my hands are covered in scars. I even cut thru a tendon and had to have surgery. they see these everyday they think it was due to a car accident. Ive only cut twice in the past year. tonite i just want it to end i hurt so bad i had to cut and ended up having to go get stitches tonite. she bought new knives didn’t know they were that sharp. I had an overdose 8 years ago and would be dead if my ex was not a paramedic. I cant do this anymore. i need it to end. |
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no house ,no car ,no money n now over 30 year old still don have any girl friend,all the support to have then i don have… what a fucking life |
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