But one thing you have to remind yourself is that you arent responsible for the bills and money problems that they had. You were just a kid, what the hell were you suppose to do about their problems? And you certainly arent responsible for your own birth. If that were the case, people would not need to get together to concieve human beings anymore. ANYTIME people have sex they are risking a pregnancy, all these vesactemy, patch and birth control crap only REDUCES the chances of pregnancy, NOT prevention. so the fault is entirely on your parents, not you.

And yes, lets be real, if it werent for your existence, they PROBABLY would have been better off on bills. Thats bascially COMMON SENSE. the less mouths that are in a household, the more money is saved. thats just how it is. but ya know, people arent always smart with their money. Most of the time WANTS overcome NEEDS, so they could have been worse off even if you werent there. But you were born anyway and they stepped up and took responsibility. So love them for that. Most parents nowadays are VERY VERY VERY quick to go to abortion clinics and give up to adoption homes or WORSE, be left in the trash can, garbage dumpsters or someone’s door. But your parents didnt do that. Sure they werent ready to have you, but who really is? Nobody is ready to be a parent.

I think one of the silliest and most disappointing things a parent can do is FORCE their child to go to church. God wants us all to believe in him by free will and based on our own experiences with him, not becuase we were forced or pushed. Some parents just go too far when it comes to religion and dont really relize it, thinking they are doing their child a favor but really arent.

YOu need to train yourself to break out of this shell that your mother has created for you for years. Just becuase your mother made you believe that no one is worthy of ever being your friend or more, doesnt mean it is true. Your mother apparently has some self-issues and has been pouring them all on you. She interrogated you on your first date instead of TRUSTING you and she really didnt let you live your life and let you make friends on your own. There are billions of people on this earth for you to meet but it is also your choice to LET people get to know you. The more you push people away, the more it is useless to even complain that you don’t have friends. Start taking charge of your life.

If youre an adult now, then your mother really is no longer an excuse, you need to start taking charge of your life.

If your famliy has facebook, that should also mean that they have email. I would really sit down, get relaxed and write your parents a letter explaining all the things that have really bothered you over the years. maybe they can give you some really encouraging words or put give you peace of mind. I really think they should know about all the pain they have caused you. I would start off with something like

“Mom, dad, I have been going through some major depression for quite sometime and my shaky and imperfect childhood is catching up with me. I have to get this off my chest becuase maybe i’ll get some closure, but i’ve been the only one thats been carrying this burden and i feel like it is killing me. I just want to give up on life. First of all, i want to start that i unfortunately found out by overhearing that i was an accident…..” then go on and explain to her about how she always forced you to go to church, tell her how you felt about that. and then move on and explain to her how it really upset you that she kept hounding you about your date and your friends. I think people who hurt others SHOULD be addressed so that they can learn from this and prevent hurting others.

If you keep pushing them back, saying that other people have it worse, it’ll get you nowhere.

You are a very important person. Never forget that. There will always be at least one person who loves you, even if you don’t know it.

Quite honestly…I’m not sure what you want to hear (or read in this case).
I don’t know if you want some harsh words, or if you want sympathy.
So, I’ll do my best to give both.

Because frankly, I care about you. I’ve never met you, but from reading what you wrote…I feel like…Like somehow, we’re connected.
Maybe it’s because I’ve gone through similar things.

For example….I used to think a lot like you. “people have it much worse”. I used to think that 24/7. Needless to say, thinking that way purged me into depression. Because of that way of thinking, I never put myself first. It wasn’t until later that I found out that it’s okay to put my happiness first. That it’s okay to think about my feelings.
I know…That…At first…It’ll truly feel like you’re being selfish, and you’ll feel guilty about it. But the truth is, it’s okay to be a little selfish sometimes. Most people will understand, even encourage it.
I know…That you might be thinking, “I can’t do that.” And you might be saying it for multiple reasons like “I don’t deserve it” or maybe “I just can’t…”
But maybe…Maybe you’re just scared. I know I was…No…I know I am. I know I’m scared of being selfish, asking for things, or for help…I know that I’m scared of being happy.
Because, If I’m happy, it may be taken away from me. Something I love may be lost to me.
Or maybe happiness won’t want me, or reject me. Maybe, one day, it’ll be there, but the next, it’ll be gone.
What if, it’s right within my reach, but as I grasp it, it disappears?
What if I get hurt?
What happens if I become a dissappointment?

The truth is….
Those are all risks you’ll have to take.
I’m still scared of taking them.
Believe me. I am.
I’m terrified of it. So much, that when it seems to even hint that it may happen, I begin to break down.
But then it doesn’t happen, or it’s not as bad as I thought.

You have to have courage.
You are brave. You are.
You have to believe in yourself.
I believe in you.

It’s hard work. But you can do. You can find your own happiness.

You must persevere and keep going.
Life hurts.
Anyone can hurt someone as long as the’re alive. But if you’re scared of that, you can’t trust anyone. Even family, even friends, there are times you hurt one another. But if you believe in eachother, you can start over again. So long as you believe in eachother, a new beginning is possible over and over again.

If you try too hard to fit in or convince yourself that you’re okay, you’ll end up building a wall where no improvement can reach. You have to believe. Yes, I know believing causes pain and suffering, but it could also bring hope and happiness.

Pain and suffering…It all truly hurts. But if you don’t speak from your heart, you’ll keep hurting. Once you let people know how you feel, that you’re hurting, they’ll listen to you. They’ll want to know more about how you feel.

No matter how much you think it, you’re not alone.

This message is extremely long. haha
If you want to talk more, you can reach me at Ibelieve_Ihope@yahoo.com.

Understand that it is not just you, there are TONS of people out there who are looking for jobs. Jobs and interviews arent what they use to be nowadays. NOw its like you go apply for a job and you end up wasting your time on the application becuase you never get called back, or you managed to get an interview but that didnt matter either. As I have stated on other threads, I have been to THREE interviews for ONE job and they literally wasted my time. I was bitter for WEEKS becuase they made me think i was actually going to get it, plus i wasted time, energy and money on a job that did not care to hire me in the first place. Then i went to another interview and was bascially screwed over becuase they thought i couldnt handle retail just becuase i hated my job in fast food. What really hurts is the fact that you spend so much time filling out applications and nobody calls you. I have lost count at how many applications i’ve filled out and it hurts like hell that it’s worth nothing!

What people have been telling me to do everytime i seek advice, is to turn to God and if I keep getting this same message, then perhaps its a very strong message. So i let go of my job hunts becuase i KNOW i did my part countless times, now its time to wait on God. a big burden has been lifted off my chest so far.

Repeating a full year of university is not as bad as repeating a year in normal school. I repeated the 7th grade beucase i literally didnt do the work, i didnt study, i didnt concentrate and i went to sleep in class all the time. Even a teacher tried to warn me about my grades but i bascially laughed it off and she looked at me very strangely. Then the next year she found me sitting in gym thinking i was in the 8th grade and bascially embarassed me in front of the class that i flunked. Do you remember the movie Clueless with Britteny Murphey in it? Well thats how i was in school, i had MANY MANY friends with boy drama and talking all day on the phones and crap and i LOVED it, i loved the attention and i loved writing notes and being invovled. I traded my education just for them and I ended up losing every single of one them the moment i flunked. as a 7th grader for the second time, i got to watch my ‘friends’ go off to the 8th grade and get treated like kings and queens, have parties, go to numerous field trips while i stay stuck with a bunch of 6th grades. I was so bitter that entire year and i felt soooooo worthless and small.
I Had NO friends
I was always alone
I cried at least every 2 weeks
wrote myself death letters
wanted to die so bad
Had a teacher that made my life a living hell and humiliated me and made me get my first referral ever. (later on she was suspended for being so rough) It was a horrible year for me. But it sure as hell was a lesson learned. You gotta put your education first!!!!!! when i got to the 8th grade, i regained ALOT of DIFFERENT friends.

If i were to repeat something at college, yea it would be a bummer but at least people don’t know who you are becuase youre in class with a mixture of people who are juniors, seniors, soph, etc. Nobody knows your status except the professors if you take them over again.

What has really worked for me by avoiding BAD professors is going to a “grade my professor” website, where students will go there and warn you on who to take and who not to take. I’ve been in college since 2006 and i have yet had a professor that was just really bad or rude. those sites REALLY freaken work!! go to this website, look up your univeristy and see if that works. http://www.ratemyprofessors.com/ don’t pay bad professors with your money, money doesnt grow on trees!

You will not have a happy life if you wont take care of yourself, so start getting smart and avoid all the bad foods. start eating healthy stuff and gain your weight back. it all starts with will-power and the choice to do it.

Yes life is VERY VERY hard, especially when you have these man-made systems that don’t do any good, such as laying people off when they fear that their money supply will drop. I was abandoned and pushed out of the job last august, i have yet to find a job so far.

Just hang in there. There are many others in your shoes.

Yea you may have two years Left, but there’s college too. I’m sure there are other ways of making to professional basketball. Go to the desired college you want to go to and go speak with some of the coaches for tips. Do some online researching too.