All my life I have been alone. There is no one else who is like me. No one who shares similar thoughts and experiences. No one who can understand and accept me for who I am. I am only young. But age does not mean anything. I am a living being and that’s all that counts.
When I started school at the age of 4, i realised that i thought more than the others. That I was harder to lie too and less impressionable. I knew deep inside that i wasn’t “normal”. I never made many friends. Mostly because I didn’t talk much. I could tell a lot about these people without knowing them. and I didn’t like them. So I pretended to be like them, and it worked. Soon enough, I was fitting in and had made “friends” . People that I didn’t like and didn’t trust.
At home, I was under the impression that my life was fine. I had never seen another example of what a home was like, so I didn’t know any better.
Years went by, and as my life progressed, I realised more and more about how different I was. By the age of nine, I was already showing signs of depression. I had an extremely messed up family, well, I still do. My mother is a disgusting person. She is racist, overweight, has a poor sense of hygiene, swears and thinks that she is perfect. My father is an alcoholic, racist, has an even worse sense of hygiene-he only showers once a week- and has temper problems. Then there’s my brother. A perfect example of failed parenting. He is exactly like them, but younger. He is currently 25 and still lives with us. In this tiny, fibro, rotting(literally, rotting), messy, cockroach infested house. All of them smoke marijuana, are alcoholic and smoke. They are constantly fighting with each other. When I try explaining this to any of them, I am a cop out. They treat me as if i’m worthless. A mere possession. Blamed for everything.
Now at school, I have found actual friends, not just people that I pretend to like. I have changed my personality a lot at school. I am loud and hyper. This is how I am with my friends. But I’m not sure anymore. Not sure if it’s a fake act or if it’s another part of me. It just seems to come naturally. I’m not sure who I am anymore. It’s a very hard subject to explain, and certainly one I’m not willing to be open about. But this has caused me so much pain. I started acting like this to attract attention. Something that I had never experienced. But of course, many people hated me. I could see it in their eyes. I could somehow feel it. And that just made matters worse. I have tried to ignore all the pain that people have caused me. But inside I knew that it was ripping me into pieces. I have also had many psychic experiences. Sometimes I just get a vision of an event that has not yet occurred.They are almost always right. I have tried to tell my friends, but they just think that I’m crazy, so I doubt that they would listen to me at all.
I hold so much pain within me. But there is no one like me. No one who shares a similar story to me. I hope that one day, I will find the person who is like me. I’m sick of this. I have been bottling up my emotions for so long. I need to be able to express myself in some way. It hurts so much to be alone. Truly alone. I need someone. Someone who can understand me. Someone who can accept me for who I am. I am only 11 years old, but age means nothing. I am a human being that is capable of feeling pain.
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Ukii I’d like you to know your not alone my story is like yours in many ways,i know how you feel,most of my childhood was filled with pain and still today,i think of it alot, and you are not the only one who can read people for who they really are no matter how they act in public you see the real them.just know that you dont have to be like your parents and in the blink of an eye you’ll be 18 and a new life can begin.you just have to belive in your self and stay true to you. alot of life is about your surroundings and we all have the choice to change that if you would like to take more i’ll ck back from time to time on this site keep your head up and clear and you’ll be ok.
there are people who feel your pain, there is nothing wrong with you. i know yo are 11, i have felt that way my whole life and i am 44. i never felt like i ever fit in. when you get older life does get a little better, but that choice is up to you. there is nothing wrong with you, i can feel the pain because i have felt that pain since i was born too. you have your whole life ahead of you,and you should choose how you live it!! i will pray for you for you are way to young to feel like this!
I know where you are coming from, however I am 26. I also have visions of events yet to occur. My mind cant comprehend time, these visions are stored in the back of my head as a dream which I can’t recall. They a mixed within truth and imagination making them impossible to believe.
When you say you are hyper & loud this is normal, in fact a good thing. It is who you want to be. You are not pretending, just having fun with your life. You are not depressed, you just have an abnormal life at home. But, the strength within you will carry you forward through life. I believe you will do great things.
I always was a deep thinker also. Finally, someone with a similar problem I have with life~ Sometimes I just wanna run into the jungle and be raised by monkeys~
ONG!!! I’M 11 TOO AND I ALSO HAD DEPRESSION WHEN I WAS 9!! I’m so creeped out right now!!! This is like, ALMOST THE SAME EXACT story of my life, almost!! Awesome!! I’m even hyper too! HOLY FREAKING CRAP!! My grandma on my dad’s side is racist and my dad cought some of this shiz up from her, but then lost some of his racism after he lost his Christianity. But wow, your family’s allot more alchaholic and whatever. I’m blamed for nearly everything too.
YAY WE’RE HYPER AND LOUD PALS!! Why am I getting so exited reading this? DID I WRITE THIS!!??
I’m almost the same as you! The only two things that we don’t share, is that I’m 16 and I don’t had that kind of family. The rest is the exact same.
hey ukii,im 11 to.my life sucks…..but i do feel sory for u.people r naturally mean.seriously.but im not.u know what that gets you?around 10 girls,who call me a fag.then theres this SUPER mean girl,cassy.i called her crazy yesterday.and since i cant hit a girl u know where this is going.she literally dragged me 2a field bhind sum houses,slapped me 55 times probably,pushed me to the ground,almost rid thebike over me,an then threw the bike on me.i am scared of her.i shiver any time i think of “the girl i hate who ……beeeaaatt meee up.today i avoided them,tomorrow ill avoid them,and about another 2 years.5 weeks ago i was in a fight,won,got the cops called.and won.yay.i hate my life.my great grandma died,i only talk 2 5 people…..i may have been teary eyed when she slapped me alot.so?now my concious is filled with,im a wuss,i got beat up by a girl,im a loser…..and ihate my life.