My Life Sucks - Big Time … !

Well for starters…..My dad use to drink pretty heavy while I was in elementary school, dont get me wrong, my mom did aswell. I have no doubt they did coke together, they were not junkies though, I think it was alot more casual back then. I remember having to stay up COUNTLESS school nights ALL night listening to ACDC pumping, and then usually some kinda screaming argument, and occasionally turned into a physical argument.
Growing up being attractive to other boys was allready hard enough, let alone living in a fuck up home…and Im supposto be learning about life and preparing for my future…HA was more like a fuck up fest for a couple of over grown teens partys.
My fathers job got lost when the local pulp mill shut down, and he decided to just not work for years. Leaving my mother to support the family all on her own cutting hair in her hairdressing shop they had built in the house. Oh yeah, did I mention my dads drinking got really out of hand a few times. He hit my mom, choked her out, gave her black eyes ON CHRISTMAS. One day he decided to stop drinking. Oh yeah, They had another kid 7 years after me. My little sister, poor girl. So My mom starts drinking more from all the stress of supporting all us, Im a little miserable shit who hates school and being at home. My mom decides to take off with my sister leaving me alone with my dad. But then my dad went and got court papers saying my mom was not mentally fit to care for taylor, and they gave him the papers…
This abusive fuck, turned strait from drinking all of a sudden is a saint in the eyes of the law. So my mom decides to come back just before i embark in high school. WOW this is the best part….So me being insecure of myself allready, I mean I wasnt girly or anything, but I wasnt one to fit in with one of the groups. Grade 8 starts and I get picked up by some 12 graders and taped to a pole in the middle of the cortyard infront of lots of people laughing…kinda felt like when people got there heads stuck in those wood things in the medevil ages. So that fucked me in the head…to the point where I didnt want to live, I didnt want to talk, I didnt want to do school work, I hated my parents, I was fucked, Could not even speak in school when I needed to. Didnt make many friends, never was part of anything…that moment just took away what drive I had left in life….
But it got worse. My mom started hanging out with people who smoked crack….and was literally gone for days, up to weeks at a time with crack head junkies doing god knows what. My mom left me. She left me again, this time for the pipe. Highschool is a blur to me now, I just wanted it all to be over with…when I woke up I just wanted to go back to sleep and die. That was better then living to me. My mom did good things for me though…She got me my first job at mc donalds when i was 16 and taught me how to drive standard. But she was slowley leaving me. So i worked alot after 16…started smoking weed cause I thoght it was cool. THEN i tyed E once, and I never felt more joy ever in my life. So needless to say I did that a bit. Eventually I moved away by my own to a near town. Started working at mc donalds again, actually became a manager for a while. Unfortunately I started partying hard, Got VERY addicted to sniffing coke. Very bad stuff happened and I think I myslef almost died from it. Its hard to remember alot of it…and its blurred my child memories ALOT. I moved back to my home town. My mom was far away doing I don’t know, I stayed with my dad. Unfortunately our home I had grown up in was owned by my grandpa and he passed away, leaving nothing to us, and everything to his new wife…She sold our home and we had nothing. My dad rented a small place, that him and my sister lived in, and I lived with his girlfriends mom, because I was probley to hard to handle at the time…I was fucked in the head…to much chemicals.
He eventually moved away with my sister.
I got bad again….Done so much E at that point And so much coke…Just fucked screwed up loser I was.
My mom came to visit and ended up living with me for 6 months…She looked like a cracker junkie like you would see in a big city in the bad areas. Its really sad and sucks. She cleaned up alot living with me though. And today shes alot better and only snorts coke now, dosnt touch the pipe. Today I live with my dad again and have been clean for over 6 months, but im really sad alot and feel like ive been cheated out of life in so many differnt ways. My pain runs really deep, and when Im down I fucking see the roots of hell. Im trying, been working out everyday. Im so alone though, and all my friends are in my home town. FUCK MY LIFE SUCKS. What purpose do I have when there is no drive to find meaning anymore? The depths of my soul have been exposed to lifes full blow, and I feel outcasted from others and misunderstood. Im almost 23 now…and I all ready feel the weight of life digging into my body and mind. I pray this is only the beginning of a amazing future to come, but sometimes it feels like the conclusion to a sad book.