Well, I really don’t know where to start. I’m starting to think my existence on this earth just wasn’t meant to be. When I am out walking I’ll often look to the sky and pray a meteor will strike me or if I’m in a car I sometimes hope the 18wheelers would just hit the car. I’m getting severly depressed and can’t seem to get my life in order.
I used ot have a severe drinking problem and in a course of 3 years this ruined my life. I had 4 dui convictions within this span and lost the priviledge to drive permanently. I lost my job the following year and now it seems impossible to find work. It just seems like everything I try never works out.
I just really wish I could get another chance to drive. It is really bothering me as of late because I truley am a changed person. I quit drinking after my 4th conviction and have been drink free/drugfree since. I joined AA and even find it hard getting rides to meetings! I’m always broke and seem to have lost most of my friends during htis whole episode(s).
This all just really sucks and makes me question my existence.
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i don’t know you, but i wanted you to know i love you. You are in my thoughts.
Get a bike!
Sucks in the winter, but it’s cheap, enjoyable, and the exercise will improve your mood. Guaranteed. Bike riders are pretty social too, in this car-oriented society, so you may make some friends in the process.
When I read what you typed, it reminded me of when i was depressed. Normally i don’t do this but i took LONG walks around my terrifying neighborhood all alone becuase i was depressed. Like you, i wanted a car to hit me, i wanted someone to kill me, maybe even stepping on a snake and letting it poison me. Those were my exact thoughts as i was walking down the street. but i realized how stupid i was becuase i REALLY could have put myself in harm’s way and then my parents would have to bury me, spending over $6000 on funeral coverage when they are financially challenged. Sometimes you gotta put yourself in other people’s shoes who love you. Like for example, i would open the door to my room and look in it. My bed is not made up, there’s my computer desk, oh there goes my three stuffed animals on top of the dresser. oh look at my dirty socks on the floor, But there is no me. I picture my parents doing this after my suicide, looking at the things that use to belong to me but knowing that i’m gone and never will come back. I do this everytime i feel depressed becuase it motivates me to keep going for the sake my future and family.
Now lets be honest here, you say there is no point to existence, is it becuase you can’t drive anymore? if thats the case, then thats a silly reason to say that your life is over. For one, you put yourself into this situation. The state does not trust you to drive on the road and putting OTHER people in danger since you are under the influence more then TWICE. Why should anybody risk you being in a car if you can’t be responsible on the road and take people’s lives and their famlies under consideration? the road is already dangerous enough.
What you have to do is to try and be on your best behavior and maybe they will consider giving you your rights back, anything is possible. Right now, it is just too early to tell if you have learned your lesson or not and you have no choice but to wait this out.
There are other options such as riding a bus, riding a bike, taxi and so forth. It’ll be a pain, but at least it is something. Jobs are not really available right now, its mostly ‘first come first serve’ or ‘take what’s left’ jobs. thousands are losing their jobs everyday, so it’s not just you. I was laid off last August and i have yet had any luck finding a job.
I would also suggest signing up for Snagajob.com. This site lets you know what’s available in your area. it has worked for me and managed to get me a few interviews and they are very quick. So try that.
Hey Girl in College. Good points but not entirely helpfull. Thanks for the thought though.
It’s been almost a month now since I’ve posted and things have gotten worse…mentally at least. It isn’t just the fact that I’m not allowed to drive…it’s everything combined. I look at the licence situation as something that could have been avoided if I would have gotten help like I was supposed to . Instead they wait for my fourth conviction in 2-3 years to get me the help needed. There just seems like something is wrong with the system. Can they not se that I had a really bad drinking problem and needed help? I’m drink free now and have even joined MADD and AA to try and help others and to spread the word. One thing that really stresses me out is the utter ignorance of people out there who only look at one side of the story. Oh…he was caught drinking and driving, he deserves everything he got…regardless if he changed or not. That was over 3 years ago now that I had my 4th conviction and thanks to a very nice lady in addiction councelling I was able to overcome my addiction. Don’t get me wrong….I DO think drinking and driving is a very big and dangerous problem and that people SHOULD be punished for their actions. BUT, some cases are different and need different actions. My case in point.
Jezzzz…it just feels like everything crashes in my face whenever I try. I’m on social assistance and well, anybody on this knows how difficult it is. I can’t even afford to eat some days, literally!The stress coupled with the depression just takes a toll on the body and mind and it really does make one question everything. I know it’s a bad thing to say but it’s true…I question my existense almost daily now.
your life really sucks big time but dont beat yourself up about it coz this too shall pass, all season come to pass