My Life Sucks - Big Time … !

Life is getting to be more than I can take. I am going thru a divorce, after ten yrs he decides he does not want to have the responsibility of a wife and three kids. I lost our apt cause I couldn’t work because I am completely dependent on tramadol for my scoliosis and when I run out get so sick I can’t function. everything I have ever owned including so many precious family heirlooms and all my kids stuff was put into storage. He promised to pay it cause of our kids things and I thought he was until I letter telling me it was being auctioned the next week if I didn’t pay 1800. My children had to go live with my mom. now my oldest,12 is living w my ex who is just her stepdad so she can go to her school, shes very depressed cause she wants me there. My boyfriend I was staying w ended up punchin me in the jaw knocked out a tooth and burned all the photos I have left of my family cause I was w my little girls and got home late. I am now living w my mom and girls 6 and 8 and today I found out my ex went to jail for felony warrents and is saying my exbfrnd turned him in. his mom whom I loved more than anything called tonite and told my stepdad that they were gettin a restraining order on me and I was never to step foot in thier house again my child lives there for gods sake. I cant even talk to her today.Hard tellin what they have put her thru today as far as talkin bad about me. My stepdad decides cause of all thid drama he doesn’t want me stayin here cause he pays the bills and my mom don’t. But says I have to leave my girls here. He is an alcholic and has no driving due to 3 duis. He was so pissed and blaming everything in the world on me and took my moms car. he is also into smokin crack. never here i do know that for fact. if he gets picked up he is going to do 3 years they told him. I am so scared cause if he does I will be blamed for that. I just want to end it all.I think my kids would be better off w my mom cause I dont want them to be like me. I cant even hold a job and when i get like this i have been a cutter for as long as i remember. I have slit my wrists before they were all born and my hands are covered in scars. I even cut thru a tendon and had to have surgery. they see these everyday they think it was due to a car accident. Ive only cut twice in the past year. tonite i just want it to end i hurt so bad i had to cut and ended up having to go get stitches tonite. she bought new knives didn’t know they were that sharp. I had an overdose 8 years ago and would be dead if my ex was not a paramedic. I cant do this anymore. i need it to end.