I remember when life was so happy and mom and dad would hug and kiss and each Tuesday my brother mom dad and i would go to the mall together and i would go to the hello kitty store and my brother would go to the sticker machines.Ha ha ha! Life rocked and every morning my mom would make me blueberry muffins that tasted so good.My dad kinda spoiled us but moderately.One day he told me to make a wish and i wished 4 a dog and the next day he came home with a little puppy!!! I miss those days so much.Then we moved to a new house and life went to hell.Im realy young to be writing this(im eleven)but whatever.It started when we skipped Tuesdays once and awhile and then it grew to more and more and my parents asked my brother and i if we could do Tuesday on Saterday.(at these times i was only 5&6)I didnt want to but we did and we never had those days ever again.Then mom and dad started to have arguments and then they would sream at eachother and hit and throw stuff and mom kept getting very very sick and puking and taking pills(idk if they were drugs or not but i think it was judt a medication)My parents would knock over glass vases and i would start crying and hide.Now im traumitized from the noise and i kinda break down wen i hear it.then my parents would get in such big arguements that my dad would leave and my mom would sit crying in her room. I would stay up waiting 4 my dad to come back trembling and tearing. Then i would write letters to god asking nhim to bring back Tuesdays and daddy and stop the argueing.It never worcked.Dad would come back late at night smelling like beer at times.Eventually the arguement got so big my dad would take us with him to a hotel all night and take us to school in the morning. I was in kinder and my bro went to pre.My life is all blurred in this area except some parts to personal 2 say.We moved to a new house later.(wer i live now-we moved wen i was in 2nd grade.)They still argued and then Valentines day came.My dad sed he had a buisness trip.he left for a looong time.He wouldnt answer phone calls and we wer just move in to our new home.we slept on the floors.my mom would wake my brother and i up at 3 in the morning and drive all around town pointlessly.One day my I heard my dad came bak and to meet him in hte church.(my bro and i now went to a catholic school–I was in 2nd and he was in 1st)We went there and he sed he got us a new mommy and she was in the church and he wunted us to show her how well we prayed.so we went in and prayed came out and there was a chick less than half his age in his arms.I was going to be a brat but i was to kind.i sed hi and we went out 4 lunch.l8ter my dad took my bro and i home.my dad was staying in a hotel with her.bla bla bla all this stuff happened and my dad kicked my mom out.She started to live in this little condo on a nice little golf course.We would visit on weekends.Later she couldnt afford it anymore.Now shes a hohbo that i hardly ever get to see in Sandiego.I lived with my dad and my new stepmom.I used to always pray and think of god and draw picture in this little journal and i would show my dad.One day he was out with his gf (wen she moved in he would NEVER pay attention or support us at all)And i showed him a picture i drew and he sed” oh ya thats her stupid little book she writes her prayers in!” And they both started to laugh.I was so sad that i threw the book away and i never prayed again.Later they started arguing and my dad thot i didnt care cuz i was ”used” to it.And i was getting sick of life so i stopped talking to every one. i wouldnt talk 2 my dad only sometimes. I did talk to my bro but i NEVER talked to his girlfrend.She started out getting realy mad and then i would laugh at her.then since she started to argue with my dad she started to suck up to me like a pathetic little leech because she knew if i liked her my dad wouldnt kick her out.and my plan worcked she was OUT.I realy didnt mind her that much mbut i am not stupid. I stopped talking at first as a test to see if she realy ”loved us”.Then i realized she didnt i was her tool to staying and i didnt want to be. so bam.She left.But karma came back around and i was living with me my bro and my dad.I have to make dinner for everyone and do all the laundry and all the cleaning and teach my little bro manners.I get in trouble for everything my dad treats me like **** at most times.My bro will leave a mess an i pay 4 it. In the end everything comes back down on me.If i am completely exausted and make dinner a little late im in huge trouble.And after all this my family has a reunion (my other parts of my family) and my dad has the nerve–HE HAS THE NERVE TO ASK MY AUNT 4 PARENTING ADVICE!!!!
Well life is hard and everything is like a living hell i have to be my dads wife and my brothers mom and my mom. YIPEE!!!
Monthly Archive for July, 2009
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Its not that my life sucks so much, I guess you could say that I’m just more annoyed at it than anything. I suppose for some strange reason I’m just not ready to grow up, and yet, I have and I need to get used to it, and I’m working on that. I’m 23, I just recently graduated from college. Well, that would be all fine and dandy and the fireworks would cheer. Problem is, I did it in the middle of an economic crisis. Have I found a job yet? Of course not, nobody is going to hire anybody who doesn’t have experience, are you crazy? But its every bodies *favorite* question. Especially when its asked by my coworkers at the dead end job I’m working at. But I’m looking, and honestly that’s all I can do in a situation like this. However, to change the subject a little bit, if there not asking me if I have a job, there asking me when my boyfriend of 4 years is going to propose or get married to me. Would I be horrible if I said I think I’ve secretly come to the conclusion that I want a wedding and not a marriage? Its not that I don’t love him. I just want my special day and care free commitment to a life long decision. I love him, I just don’t feel I need unnecessary pressure in my life. Unfortunately that’s sort of how I view a marriage, unnecessary pressure to a good relationship. However, I still have that childhood fantasy of walking down the aisle and later on cutting into a large cake. Can’t I just have a mock wedding on my birthday and call it a birthday present to myself? I’d still get cake, presents, and everybody would be paying attention to me. The perfect birthday. At the same time I’m thousands in debt with my student loans right now… In the middle of an economic crisis. Of course I wont have the time to get married or have kids for that matter. I’ll be too busy paying off my debt at the dead end job I’m working at. I suppose I just need to grow up, take it all in and deal with it. And I keep telling myself day in and day out that things will get better, something will happen and I’ll find my way. After all our parents did it and thousands of other people have been through worse than I have. I’ll make it somehow. At least I have a degree, that’s more than most people can say. At least I have a strong relationship, even if I am afraid of commitment, that’s better than some people. But still, I wish I could take a wand and make all the noisy people go away and just do what I want to do. |
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I’m turning 25. I’ve done everything I was supposed to do in my life. I stayed in school, I got good grades. I enlisted in the Air Force for 4 years, and I started going to college after my military service ended. Of course, I can’t get a job. 4 years of experience and a security clearance isn’t enough. I’m stuck living with my dad, and he hates me. My whole family is completely embarrassed, so I’ve shut myself off from them all. The one friend I did have was going through the exact same situation until he got kicked out of his mom’s house, and I haven’t talked to him in months. I did everything life says you’re supposed to do. I played by the rules. I followed the directions. I worked hard. And all it got me was enough unemployment benefits to pay a portion of my father’s rent for the last 2 years. This is the American Dream on display, kids. Work hard, do your best, and you’ll fail miserably! |
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I just got out of a 6 year relationship which was not my choice he tells me he feels trapped, is unhappy, and doesn’t want a relationship with anyone. So not even 2 months after I find out he is with someone whom I know and is known to be a lose woman. Talk about a kick in the gut!!!!!! |
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