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Monthly Archive for January, 2009

My life suck

What is this?…depression again?
Why am I lying here on my bed in my dark room?
Why do I feel phobic and can’t step out of the house?
Why do I hate every poeple?
Why can’t i just be happy?
why?…..I tell you why… Cuz I have deep depression! It took over my life since i can remember.. I can’t control my feelings.. I keep crying for nothing. I can’t do anything!!.. I’m young and i’m blocked from being alive! I’m young and i’m living it under a shell!!…My life so suck I could just kill someone for a better one. I don’t have a job, cuz i hate everything and i can’t stop that feeling… I don’t have friends, cuz they would avoid me since i’m so down..i’m no fun. I don’t have anybody who loves me…because i’m ME.
I can’t take this anymore….
My life Suck, i’d rather die.

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Then and Now

THEN…
Those were the days… when you got up in the morning, all refreshed and ready to start your day. A warm cup of coffee, birds chirping the thoughts of all the fun things you are going to do tonight after your 8-hour workday. Warm shower and off to work with smile you’re face, only to return home to finish of the day with your family or friends doing something fun.
Bills “No problem”… Worried about losing your job “are you crazy”… Cash advance “What the hell is that”…

NOW…
Alarm goes off and you want to smash it. Out of bed feeling like you never went to sleep… O that’s right I only got 4 hours because I have to work 2 jobs and still can make ends meet…
Warm cup of coffee? Only on the days I have time to make it or I can afford it… If I had a gun I would shoot those damm birds… No time to take a shower off to work I go… Worried about losing my job “Every freaking min” (Both of them)… Bills!!!!!!!!! “Which one do I pay this time and which one do I let go… O Crap I have to pay these or the utilities get turned off!!! … (Freaking late fees… and overdraft charges)
Off to the cash advance place, right after I pay off that other one… Have fun with family and friends… Yell right! I’ll see if I can fit you in my schedule… By the way when I do can we make sure it is something free or really cheep?

Do they really call this life?… I sure don’t…

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Never Good Enough

Just before I share my story, I must say that I do not think the world revolves around me…unlike other stories I read on this site. I am sure others can relate that in general no matter how hard you try in life, disappointment will always hit you. Nothing you do will ever be good enough, no matter how good of a person you think you are there is someone better, and to think you are finally best at something like having the suckiest life, someone comes and out does you with a shittier life. But it gets worst. All of a sudden the you wake up and the sun is bright and shiny, the birds are chirping and you think things are finally turning around. Then disappointment hits you in the balls (or ovaries for women)and you are back to square one. I thought I changed things around. All my life I worked my ass off to being best I can be but I would always just come close because of somebody beating me out. I never really made it. I was finally taking off with my career and doing well then somebody better comes to outshine me. Will I ever get a break? Will I ever get a moment to shine and be the center of attention? There is no one to blame because LIFE SUCKS!!!

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