Where to begin?
Probabily all started back when i was a civilian and thinking that the military would be a good idea. Gonna shorten the story a bit. Finished basic and Tech school with absolute no trouble. When i got to my first duty station i had a few buddy and the rest of my crew freaking sucked. Then thinking that i am having a dream come true i get to move to England… At first i thought it was a dream but i was deathly wrong.
The one friend i wanted to meet up with the entire time ended up hating my guts. The shop in which i worked was seperated in leadership and floor workers so we stayed friend with mostly our shift and isolated ourselves from the rest of the base.
In my shift i was the black sheep and was the complete odd ball who became the butt of all jokes and my personnallity is to take everything seriously. So i ended up staying stuck in my head. After months of what i thought was friendship became harassament(physical, emotional and sexual) and a sense of complete and total isolation. I felt it upon myself to fix the problem. It resulting in making an attempt on my life.
Which failed miserable. I ended up in the hospital for 4 days to recover and sent to a Pshche ward (the politically correct term for an insane assylum) where i left there in under a week cause there is nothing wrong with me.
After returning from there i went home to see my family. My father ended up breaking down from what i did and went on a rampage on my shift and now charges are being placed on them, He got a drinking problem and he is just all around worried for me. Not to mention he cant really handle his own household since all the money i make from the military go to his rent and my sisters food. I found out that he and my sister are at each others throats because her fiancee(which i found out that they were engaged for over a year without me knowing) wont get a job and she defends his lazy attitude. My mom thinks im a child molester because i treat my soon to be sister in law like i treat my sister. (Put on my shoulders give piggy back rides) As well as she is dating an ex-convict so chances are i have to go and beat his ass later for hurting my mom… i swear its only a matter of time. My girl forgot to even speak to me on my birthday and my thoughts are now becoming her idea of love between us is nothing more then a statues symbol she can use so she doesnt have to say shes single when shes with her friends getting drunk and high all the time.
Now im back here. They are seperating me out of the military because i want to run away back to home. Yet before they do that they decide it would be a good idea to try and help me. They give me antidepressants that end up making me almost bi-polar and almost shooting any chance at a honorable discharge out of the water because when i get into a depressive state i say fuck everything and get drunk a hour before work and huff cans of keyboard cleaner so i can forget everything. Then they confuse the shit out of me by saying im not doing anything wrong. Which just makes me feel like hell has froze over.
I feel like just sleeping and never having to wake up. It feels that no matter what i will try and do that it will just end up in complete chaos and that my life is just completely and utterly fucked to pieces dispite everyone telling me its not.
I feel like running away. Changing my name and fading from societies eyes. or just taking a gun and putting it to the side of my head. Yet for whatever reason i still want to say my life doesnt suck because still somewhere deep in my head i think im already laying on a hospital bed in a coma from my first trauma.
All this because i didnt listen to myself when i said i never wanted to join the military.
Dont know if im aloud to say that my life sucks cause its all my fault. But to me… my life sucks.
Powered by FireStats